


Get It Right.

by FloralSweets



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dead Kisaragi Aine, M/M, Mentioned Kisaragi Aine, Mentions of Suicide, Mild Sexual Content, Past Relationship(s), Quartet Night Lives Together (Uta no Prince-sama), friends to lovers to friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29036220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloralSweets/pseuds/FloralSweets
Summary: When Reiji sees Ai for the first time, he sees a ghost of the past, and a second chance.
Relationships: Kisaragi Aine/Kotobuki Reiji, Kotobuki Reiji/Mikaze Ai
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16





	1. Coffee.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a whole bummer of a story, so please prepare yourself. I am so sorry. This has plagued my mind for weeks, and I finally wanted to write it!

Maybe Reiji shouldn’t have asked Shining for a bigger challenge. When he had requested a change of pace, he had hoped it might serve to break him out of the funk that had settled over him. When presented with the idea of joining a formal unit, he had jumped on it. Being able to lead a little group, to prove that he could handle the pressures of keeping it together, would help. And having others to lean on would certainly help him when he needed the extra encouragement. He hadn’t worked directly with other idols in ages, at least not on any recurring basis. It would be nice to have some friends around to work with, to spend time with.

Once he had been given the contact information for his group members, he had been ecstatic to reach out to them. He had been aware of each of them previously, working at the same agency, but had never interacted with any of them all that much. It was an exciting change, a new adventure with new friends. That was what he needed.

Reiji hadn’t anticipated that the initial messages would so quickly dissolve into a shit show. Shortly after introductions had been made and dates set to move into their new apartment and begin working, Camus and Ranmaru had begun fighting. Had Shining known before assembling this group that the two would clash so horribly? Part of Reiji suspected he had-- the man had done worse to spark a bit of drama before, and this was something he wouldn’t put past him. Still, he at least had the mysterious Ai Mikaze for support.

Ai had piqued Reiji’s interest long before this group’s formation. Despite having won his share of awards and making his impact on radio charts, no one had seen the man’s face. He had a voice that sent shivers down Reiji’s spine. It was familiar in a way that made him nervous and hopelessly excited at the same time. He may have listened to the man’s previous releases more often than he’d like to admit, finding a distinct comfort in that voice. The idea that he would finally be able to see the man’s face had him riled up with anticipation.

Despite the arguments within their messages, Reiji breathed a sigh of relief when he finally found a day for the four of them to gather for coffee at his apartment before they all moved into their new place. It was such a small accomplishment, but it gave him the serotonin he needed to clean the common area before his guests arrived, and that was something worthy of a silent celebration. As he set the table, he found himself smiling. It was a small accomplishment, just four cups of coffee, a little tray of goods that he’d ordered from the bakery next door, and a candle lit on the counter, but it was enough for him to feel like he’d done something.

As Reiji smoothed his hands over the fabric of his jacket, he took a breath. He had a fresh start, and he needed to cherish that. The mess that was his bedroom was tucked away, and any panic that he’d experienced while preparing the dining area was neatly bottled up, the bottle tucked away deep in the back of his mind, where he hopefully wouldn’t find it until well after his guests had left.

He took another deep breath as his phone buzzed, and pulled it out to check the message.

_ Ai: Shining has acquired me for a surprise meeting. I can’t make it today. _

_ Camus: We’re here. _

Reiji blinked. So he wouldn’t be able to meet Ai today after all. His face dropped with disappointment, but he replaced the expression quickly, nodding to himself as he put on a smile and moved toward the door. Just outside the peephole stood too large figures. Camus stood with a small wrapped box tucked under his arms, glancing at his phone. Behind him, turned away with his arms crossed over his chest was Ranmaru. Both looked impatient.

Reiji opened the door and gave a bright smile. “I’m glad you both made it,” he said, stepping aside to allow them to enter. “Coffee’s ready, if you want any. And if anyone wants a second cup, I guess we’ve got extra.” He took the men’s coats, laying them over the back of the couch as they removed their shoes.

Even if his hopes for the day had been dampened, he still smiled. There was no need for either of these two to know he was disappointed to be missing a member. The excitement he had felt at the prospect of meeting such a mysterious presence was gone, but he did his best to channel it into conversation with the other two, while ignoring the glares they gave one another. Even if he felt the tension in the air, he smiled through it, laughing when the two of them got too testy with their quips and conflicting answers.

The whole time, though, he eyed the phone that rested on the table beside him.

The cafe was busy, but it was warm and the music that played over the speakers was nice. Reiji took a soft breath before ordering, smiling as he received his mug and sat. He wrapped his hands around the ceramic, taking a moment to ground himself in the moment. It had taken a few days more than he had hoped, but at last he would have the chance to meet Ai. He’d chosen a discreet seat, tucked in the back of the building. It was tricky to see-- impossible from the street. In the past few years, he had gotten good at choosing hidden tables, ones that might be out of the way enough that no one would notice him there except the people that went in expecting to find him.

“Reiji?” a soft voice asked from less than a meter away.

He was grateful that he hadn’t had the mug in his hands when he met a pair of brilliant cyan eyes. Surely, it would have slipped and shattered before him. “Aine.” The word fell from his lips without him meaning for it to escape.

The man shook his head, taking the seat across from him. “Ai, actually.” He sat with his back straight, hands clasped on the table.

Reiji blinked. He was staring at a ghost. A memory had walked into this cafe and taken up residence before him. His face, his voice, he… “Oh my god. I am so sorry. You look just like an old friend of mine,” Reiji said, scrambling for words. Everyone had a lookalike of some sort. That was normal. But his features were so incredibly identical. Something inside him was rigid with nerves.

Ai waved his hand, letting out a sigh. “I get that a lot. That’s why I’ve never shown my face. That, and I like to be able to go out without people stopping me.” He shrugged.

Reiji nodded. He had already messed up, then. Being mistaken for a long-dead idol certainly must have made the man uncomfortable, or at the very least a bit annoyed. He plastered a smile back on his lips, masking the shiver that had run through him. “I’m sorry about that,” he said again. “It’s really good to finally meet you, Ai-Ai.” He had to get back to that headspace of being an excited group leader, someone that could be counted on to set the tone for them. “I really love your solo work. Your voice is beautiful.”

Ai nodded. “Your songs are well made.” His face was so expressionless when he spoke. Had Reiji really messed up their introduction that badly?

“Thanks,” Reiji said, giving him a grin. “And it’s really nice to see your face after all the mystery. You’re lovely.” It was cheesy, but hopefully it could lighten the mood.

“Of course. Idols are beautiful,” Ai said, eyes lingering downward, toward his hands on the table.

“What a weird way to say thank you,” Reiji said, teasing. Christ. It was difficult to raise the mood when the other man was so unresponsive. Had he ruined this meeting? Or was Ai the kind of person who never showed any sign of what he was thinking?

“I’m just stating a fact. You can’t be an idol without beauty.”

“Aw, Ai-Ai, are you saying you think I’m pretty?” He batted his eyelashes, and let out a small laugh.

Ai rolled his eyes, but there was the slightest hint of a pull at the corners of his lips. “It’s a given. Don’t act surprised.” He shrugged, and that slight expression fell from his face again. “Did you call me here just to say hello, or was there anything else you wanted?”

Reiji straightened, taking a sip of his drink before answering. The warmth trickled down his throat, and he felt himself levelling out. The shock he felt upon laying his eyes on the man still lingered, and the desire to desperately compensate for his blunder remained, but the drink helped to lift the clouds in his mind. He focused on the heat, the way the foam felt on his tongue, the taste of the sweetener mixing with bitter espresso on his tongue. He just needed a bit of clarity to slow the circles his mind raced in. “I was hoping to talk about what you wanted to do as a group, and what kind of music you’d like to make. I got to talk with Ran-Ran and Camus the other day, but I really want to hear from you, too.”

Ai nodded. “It would be good to be on the same page.”

“Do you have an idea of what you’d like to do together? Is there any style that you’re interested in?”

Ai tilted his head, and those soft blue bangs fell over his eyes. “I really like Vocaloid music. I like how there are so many people using the same set of tools to create a huge variety of music that still feels cohesive. Groups are kind of like that. We have a set of voices and instruments, and I think each of us brings something new to the creation process.”

Reiji bit his lip. “I think I get what you mean. It’s a good way to think of it. But I have to be honest with you, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a Vocaloid song in my life.” He always did his best to keep up with things, and he had been aware of the general concept, but when he searched his mind of any sound that rang a bell, he came up empty. Maybe it was the unease that clouded his head. Maybe it was the distraction from the way the warm lights twinkled against bright blue eyes that he’d missed so desperately. But he could not for the life of him think of what Hatsune Miku sounded like.

Ai’s face brightened as he pulled out his phone and two little earbuds, passing one across the table. “Here. I think you’ll like it, if you like my music. People compare us a lot.”

Reiji raised a brow, pressing in the small bud. He supposed he could make sense of that. Those big blue eyes, and that bright hair. He laughed as Ai scrolled through his music files. “Mm, are you a musical android like Miku?” he asked, teasing.

“Who’s to say,” Ai said, pressing play. As bright, poppy beats filled Reiji’s ear, he watched Ai’s face. As the vocals picked up, he saw the man’s eyes fall shut, and the sweetest smile danced across his lips.

Reiji’s breath caught in his throat. He had wanted nothing more to see that warm smile on that beautiful face for the last five years, a wish he knew he could never be granted, and here it was before him. A second chance, the opportunity to get this right. His stomach twisted. He had spent five years desperately clinging to thoughts of what could have been, promising himself that he would never make that kind of mistake again, that he would never allow himself to feel that kind of hurt again. He couldn’t cope with the thought of finding someone new, or of losing anyone else. But right there, right in front of his eyes, was a spark of hope.

The song came to an end and Ai turned his gaze to Reiji expectantly. “What do you think?”

Reiji hadn’t registered a single thing he’d heard. “Let’s listen to another,” he said, offering a warm smile.

Ai nodded, a certain excitement in his eyes. He didn’t often find people interested in him sharing this, did he? Reiji had missed it the first time, too lost in his own thoughts, but he would do his best to pay attention now.

This time he’d get it right.


	2. Ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick little warning for something like a panic attack.

After three weeks, they had settled into a comfortable routine. Mornings were spent with coffee and idle chatter, Reiji and Ranmaru dancing around the kitchen and laughing as they put together breakfast. Camus would make frustrated comments, Ranmaru would reciprocate, Reiji would insert himself, and Ai would observe with a reserved boredom. The days not spent unpacking and settling were used for writing, or for discussing what they’d like to write, or at short photoshoots for promotion.

It seemed to Reiji that the sun shined a little brighter in the mornings, and he doubted it had as much to do with the coming of summer than as it did the warmth he felt being surrounded by company. Even on the mornings when the light shimmering through the window irritated his eyes and all he wanted was to pull the covers closer, the sound of Camus already awake and in the kitchen, waiting for him to begin cooking, pulled him from his bed. When his brain felt as though it had turned into mush and lyrics wouldn’t come, there was someone beside him at the table to ask for a boost.

Across the table, Ai sat, pen scratching at the page before him. His hair fell across his face, obscuring Reiji’s view of him, but he knew from the way he wrote that he had entered a state of focus that Reiji could only dream of. The way he concentrated on whatever task he was given, on whatever conversation he was a part of, it was impressive. Ai’s mind never seemed to wander, and he knew how to evaluate things like it was second nature. When he sat down the pen, letting it tap against the wood of the tabletop, he looked up, those bright blue eyes calm.

“I’m finished with my portion of the song,” Ai said, passing the page forward.

Reiji smiled, taking it in hand, eyeing it. Ai’s writing style was interesting. The cool tone, that somehow expressed just enough to feel genuine, it was nice. It reminded him, in a way, of another idol, one who used quiet metaphor and domestic imagery, that seemed so calm and so passionate at the same time. He swallowed as he read, and then nodded. “That’s really good. I think we’ll be able to work with this. We’ll just need to get together and combine everything together.” That would need to be later-- Camus wouldn’t be home for hours, and Ranmaru had said something about needing some extra rest. They’d just need to figure out what to do to fill the time. “Let’s get ice cream to celebrate. We’ve made so much progress, Ai-Ai!” He stood, reaching out a hand to tug Ai away from the table.

Ai furrowed his brow. “Won’t Camus be upset if we get ice cream without him?”

“What Camus doesn’t know can’t hurt him, just this once. C’mon, Ai-Ai,” he whined, gesturing toward him.

Ai sighed, eyes falling shut for just a moment before he took Reiji’s open hand. “Fine.” 

At the contact, Reiji shivered. Even the smallest things about Ai reminded him so much of Aine. There wasn’t a lot in terms of his demeanor, but every physical aspect of him was so markedly identical. The feeling of that delicate hand in his, the feeling he’d missed for five years, it both terrified and soothed him. “It’s a date, then,” he said, flashing a smile and forcing the thought away as he pulled Ai toward the door. If he just grinned and refused to think about it, then it would go away.

Ai dropped his hand to pull on his shoes. “I’ve never understood that phrase. I never know if people mean that we’re going on a date, or if it’s a joke.”

“I mean, I think it’s usually just a phrase. It’s not usually an actual date,” Reiji said.

“But sometimes it is, and people never seem to clarify.”

Reiji laughed. “Fair enough.”

Ai met his gaze, head tilting ever so slightly. “Is  _ this _ a date? Ice cream is a popular date activity, and you agreed that it’s only a joke sometimes.”

At that, Reiji blinked. Ai looked at him with so much intensity, placing so much weight on words he hadn’t thought twice about. “I--” he started, biting his lip. It would be a lie to say there wasn’t a part of him that ached to touch Ai, to feel the same warmth he once had, so long ago, a part of him that just wanted to feel complete again, that hoped that Ai would fill the void that had been left inside him. There was, however, another part that knew Ai wasn’t Aine. From the way he carried himself, to the way he spoke, to the way he thought, he was different. He wasn’t just some substitute that Reiji could insert into his life to take up his life where Aine had left it. Still, didn’t he deserve a little warmth? Didn’t Reiji, after everything, deserve to let himself feel those soft hands in his again, to hold his slender frame close to him again? “I’d like if it was. But I’ll leave it up to you. I won’t be mad if you’re not interested, Ai-Ai. I like being friends with you.” If he left it like that, it wasn’t his call. It was up in the air, and the decision was out of his hands.

Ai looked as though he were processing the information, weighing options in his mind as he looked forward with a blankness in his eyes. “It can be a date. I’ve never been on a date. I’d like to try.”

Reiji smiled, and offered his hand once more. When Ai took it, he gave a gentle squeeze. It had been ages since he’d touched anyone like this, with even the slightest bit of tenderness to it. Sure, he’d done a thousand handshakes and given plenty of hugs. But interlocking his fingers in Ai’s, he realized just how long it had been since he’d last felt such a gentle touch. Between then and now, his life had fallen apart. He had felt himself shatter, begging God, the universe, anything that might listen, to turn back time just enough to keep Aine from slipping through his grasp, to give him the right words, the foresight to know how deeply the man had been hurting.

And here he was, that hand back in his. It might not be quite the same, but when he caught a glance of Ai’s eyes through his hair, he felt as though he had reclaimed some semblance of his life before.

The walk to the nearest ice cream shop was short, and the line passed quickly. The two of them walked side by side as they stepped out, their orders in hand. Reiji led Ai toward a nearby park, one he had been to dozens of times through the years. It had been a long time since he’d last found himself wandering down those grassy paths, and every step made his heart beat a bit faster. Every centimeter of this place was so familiar, and despite the appearance of the company that walked beside him, he felt out of place.

How many times had he and Aine come here after classes? Ai walked right past their favorite spot, the little wooden bench that was so perfectly shaded by the massive tree-- the three that they’d taken a thousand cheesy pictures in front of during the cherry blossom season. The blooming period had already passed this year, but Reiji still found himself slowing, looking to the branches that held so many memories.

“Reiji?” Ai turned to look at him, and then glanced to the point that Reiji had focused on. “Do you want to sit there?”

Reiji swallowed for a moment. It felt wrong to take Ai there. That wasn’t his place. But he nodded, doing his best to keep his expression neutral. The last thing he wanted was to make the man feel the weight that was pressing down on his chest. As they took their seat, a frigid gust of wind moved over them, and Reiji shivered. The day was so warm, but that little burst chilled him to the bone.

If Aine could see him now, how would he feel? Would he be angry, knowing that Reiji had jumped on the first man who looked like him, seeing him lunge at a replacement? Would he be sad, knowing that Reiji had been so desperate to see him again? Reiji barely tasted his ice cream as he scooped it into his mouth, his stomach twisting. He shouldn’t be here. This was Aine’s place, and he’d brought someone new, an identical stranger. He was pathetic.

“Are you alright?” Ai’s voice broke the quiet.

“Mm, of course,” he said, offering the faintest smile. “Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts for a minute there.” He had to get this mood shifted. Even if he couldn’t make himself appreciate this moment, it was cruel to drag Ai down with him. He elbowed the man beside him playfully. “How’s the ice cream?”

“It’s good. I like frozen yogurt more, though. The toppings give it a lot of texture.”

Aine hated frozen yogurt. Reiji hadn’t even considered it as an option. “Maybe we’ll get that next time.”

“You want to do this again?” Ai asked. His head tilted ever so slightly when he questioned things. Reiji tried to focus on how cute that was. It  _ was _ cute. It was sweet.  _ Ai _ was sweet.

Reiji smiled for him. “I like spending time with you, Ai-Ai.” That was true. Even if he couldn’t tell Ai everything that was going through his head, even if he couldn’t let the twisting in his stomach show or express the hesitation in his mind, he wouldn’t lie to him. A smile wasn’t a lie. “Where else would you like to go?” He just had to focus on something else, give Ai his attention instead of letting his brain linger on thoughts of a familiar ghost. It wasn’t that hard. Reiji could do that much. For Ai.

“I want to go to the beach. We’re so close to it, but I’ve never seen the ocean.”

Reiji’s blood ran cold in his veins, and he could feel his face dropping, the mask he had so carefully crafted beginning to slip off.

“Reiji?”

The sound of the waves slapping against the shore in that last phone call. The water had echoed behind the last words Aine said, had clouded the sound of Reiji’s own voice saying exactly the wrong things, exactly the opposite of what he needed to hear.

“Reiji.” Aine’s voice-- no. Ai’s. It was firmer now, the man leaning in close, eyes wide.

He blinked, body still rigid. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.” When Ai was this close to him, it was hard to see any differences between him and Aine. The only real distinction was that Aine never wore his hair up, even when Reiji had told him how pretty it would look. He was too close. From this distance, he would be able to see all the little cracks in Reiji.

“Are you alright?”

Reiji nodded, taking in a slow, deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not the kind of guy to get scared a lot, but… I’m really, really afraid of the ocean.”

So much for not lying to him.

Reiji wasn’t afraid of the ocean. The waves were always so calm. They moved in, and they moved out. The rhythm was hypnotizing, and the sound could drown out his thoughts. If he listened hard enough, he could almost hear that voice against them. It was tempting, the thought that after everything, after the stress of being apart and working themselves ragged, he could see him again.

Reiji wasn’t afraid of the ocean.

He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to resist answering its call.

An arm moved around his shoulders, and Reiji was jolted away from the spiral he had stumbled so carelessly into. It wasn’t like Ai to reach out like that, to initiate contact. He was warm. Reiji had never noticed that before. “Is this helpful?”

Reiji closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of Ai’s arm resting on his back, on his hand placed so delicately on his side. He could feel every fingertip. He counted. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. He could feel the slight shift when breath entered and exited Ai’s lungs, the warmth of his side pressed tight to Reiji’s. The fabric of their jackets and the shirts beneath provided a cushion, his shoulder pressing into that material before he could feel the hardness of Ai’s steady body. He nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want Reiji to be happy, but here we are, huh?  
> Also, I got a twitter. @Floral_Sweets_ if you wanna chat!


	3. Pillowcase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings here for: more panicking, sexual content.

It had been so long since Reiji felt like this. The first in his blood, the pounding of his heart, the fluttering in his stomach… it was all so old and so familiar. When he thought of what he had missed most in the last five years, the feeling of Aine’s lips on his, of the man’s hand against his cheek, of him pulled tight to his chest, it all had run through his mind. But the feeling of singing with him, of letting their voices work together, even if it was never recorded and released, had been pushed to the back of his mind.

Singing with Ai made him feel on fire. He used his voice differently, in ways Aine never would have, reaching high notes Aine couldn’t. He sounded beautiful. The familiarity of it was comforting, but the newness made his heart lighter.

As the two of them removed their headphones, Reiji found himself smiling. Beside him, Ai stood, that ever calm expression plain on his face. He always looked so peaceful, so unshaken by anything. Did he not feel any of this excitement?

Reiji turned to him, pressing a hand gingerly to Ai’s cheek. Ai blinked in surprise, but turned to face him. “That was so good, Ai-Ai. You sounded perfect.”

Ai nodded. “I just did my job. You sounded good as well.” He didn’t lean into the touch or speak sweet words, never giving Reiji much to work with.

“Thanks.” He leaned forward, just a bit, and Ai didn’t move to meet him. Why was he always so difficult to read? “Ai-Ai, can I kiss you?”

“That’s fine,” Ai said, his eyes falling to look at Reiji’s lips. “You don’t have to ask me every time.”

Reiji almost laughed. He had the feeling he would always ask, so long as Ai was so difficult to understand. With Aine, the man was always so eager, always ready to tell Reiji exactly what it was he wanted, with words or with actions. Ai was harder. He didn’t seem to react to things in the way Reiji was used to, and he preferred to check rather than assume.

But with permission granted, he closed the space between them, lips gliding gently against Ai’s. Ai was always so gentle with him, so languid. He never asked for more than Reiji gave, never seemed to crave Reiji with much ferocity. Still, Reiji could feel the way he smiled against his lips.

Reiji’s fingers tangled in the loose threads of Ai’s hair. It was so soft, so nice to grip. Reiji pulled back, using his light grasp on Ai’s hair to tilt his head back, pressing his lips to the man’s jaw. “Is this okay?” he asked, voice a whisper. This was new-- past kissing and the softest of touches, he and Ai hadn’t done much in the last few weeks. Reiji hadn’t felt the need to rush, hadn’t wanted to move quickly. But as they stood there in that empty studio at the back of the apartment, the only thing on his mind was getting his lips on anything he could reach.

“If we’re doing this, a bedroom would be more appropriate. Yours.”

Reiji raised a brow, but smiled. “Of course.” He placed one more soft kiss against Ai’s neck before taking his hand, walking him down the hall, to his own room. The light was dim in the hour just before sunset, but the golden glow was beautiful on Ai’s skin. Slowly, he led the man toward his bed, sitting beside him on the edge.

“You’re sure you want this?” Reiji asked. “Because if you’re not ready, you don’t have to. You said you’d never been with anyone, and I haven’t in ages, so it’s okay if you--” He was cut off by the unlikely feeling of Ai’s lips against his, muffling the string of words that fell too quickly from his mouth. His mind was running again, and he forced himself to focus on the feeling of Ai’s lips. Had Ai ever kissed him like that before?

“I want to feel this.” Ai murmured. His breath was warm on Reiji’s ear as he spoke. “I trust you. I’d like it to be you.”

Reiji swallowed, nodding. He shifted slowly, straddling Ai’s hips as he moved his lips to the man’s neck. “If there’s anything you don’t like, even if it’s just for a minute, tell me. I want you to enjoy this.” Slowly, he pushed back against Ai’s shoulders, guiding him down to lay back against the mattress. His hands made quick work of the man’s shirt, pulling it over his head. Had he ever seen Ai less than fully clothed before? “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, hands moving over his hips, up his chest.

He was slimmer than Aine, his muscle was tighter. As he ran his hands over the man’s body, feeling the heat of his skin, Reiji shivered. This was different, and that made him nervous. But he just put his lips to Ai’s neck, reveling in the little gasp that fell from his lips. That smallest of sounds imbued him with the spark of confidence he needed. His hands moved further down, finding the button of Ai’s jeans. “Is that alright?”

“Please.” His voice was so soft, barely above a whisper.

As Reiji pulled back to tug at the man’s jeans, pulling them down and off, Ai’s hands tugged at the hem of Reji’s shirt. “Mm, right,” he murmured, leaning down as he found his place over Ai’s hips once again. “Help me? My hands are a little busy,” he said, fingers moving to Ai’s nipples. Aine had always loved--

Ai whined, gripping tighter at the fabric of Reiji’s shirt, fingers freezing their fumbling with the buttons. “Reiji-- too much… I don’t like that.”

Reiji froze, pulling his hands back and resting them on Ai’s shoulders. “I got you. You alright?” he asked. Shit. He’d messed this up. Again.

Ai nodded. “I’m fine. They’re just really sensitive.” He swallowed, his fingers returning to their mission of undoing Reiji’s shirt. “Kiss me again.”

Reiji offered a small smile. “I can do that.” He leaned forward, grateful for the need that he felt on Ai’s lips. He still wanted this. This wasn’t a critical mistake. He kissed him carefully, shrugging his shirt off his shoulders once Ai finally freed the last button. He pulled away for just a moment, hands moving to the zipper of his own jeans. He let out a soft laugh as he rolled off Ai for a moment to shimmy out of them.

“Reiji?” Ai asked. His voice was once again light, gentle. Relaxed. Reiji was grateful to hear him sound so content. “Is the reason you reached for my nipples because  _ you _ like it?” He asked so innocently, but it sent a chill through Reiji.

“Mm, you may be onto something. A lot of people do. Sorry-- I didn’t think before I touched--”

“You don’t have to apologize for helping me figure out what I do and don’t like,” Ai said, moving closer to him. He crawled over Reiji’s lap, settling onto his hips and pressing himself down.

Reiji let out a soft whine, which quickly turned into a moan as Ai took his nipple between his thumb and forefinger. “Ah-- yeah, that feels good, Ai-Ai.” When was the last time he’d felt like this? When had he last had someone touch him so delicately, so intimately? When had he last had a reason to moan at the hands of someone else?

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, lips pressing against the shell of Reiji’s ear. Once again, he shifted his weight, rolling his hips.

Reiji’s hands gripped Ai’s waist, holding him tight as he rutted up toward him. For a moment, he was unable to find the proper words to answer him, instead just letting out soft sounds as their bodies pressed together and Ai’s hands moved over his chest. “I want to kiss you… touch you… Want to be inside you.”

Ai’s hands came to a stop for just a moment. “Reiji, I don’t think I want to--”

Reiji blinked for a moment and then lifted his hands, letting them hover a bit above the man’s skin, not wanting to make him feel pressured. Shit. That was the last thing he wanted. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to assume, Ai-Ai--”

“Reiji.”

Ai’s hand pressed to his cheek, and Reiji took a breath, letting his eyes fall shut as he focused on that touch.

“Don’t apologize. I’m not uncomfortable. I appreciate that you want to take care of me.” He leaned forward, and Reiji was greeted with the feeling of Ai’s forehead pressed against his own. “Please don’t be so nervous. This is supposed to be nice. If you’re opposed to me being inside you instead, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy this.”

Reiji nodded. Here Ai was, telling him that he hadn’t ruined this, but the nerves remained. He let out a small sigh. “I’m sorry, Ai-Ai. My first time, it felt like my partner knew exactly what I wanted, like he could read my mind. And I haven’t been able to give you that, and that makes me nervous.”

“I’m not asking you to read my mind.” Ai pressed his lips to Reiji’s hair, hand moving to take his. “You stopped when I found something I didn’t like. That’s all I needed. You don’t have to act like you’re failing me if you don’t immediately know what I need.”

Reiji swallowed, opening his eyes. In the last few months, he had begun to separate Aine’s voice and Ai’s in his mind. They were nearly identical, but the way they spoke was different. Ai was breathier, higher, his words a bit more formal, even when they didn’t need to be. But when he spoke now, so serious, like he had so much experience with this sort of thing, he reminded him so much of Aine, of the way he always seemed to know what to do.

“Reiji, I don’t know what it is you’re going through right now, but if you want to, we can stop this here.” Ai sighed, moving his hand through Reiji’s hair. “We don’t have to do this tonight.”

Shit. So he had ruined this. The mood had been ruined with his nerves-- the one thing he always tried so hard to prevent. He had never heard Ai speak like this. Sure, the man was usually serious enough, in a dry and deadpan way. But as he spoke now, it was heavy with something else. He sounded so mature, in a way Reiji wasn’t used to. For someone who’d never been on a date just two months ago, how had he grown so quickly as to know exactly what to say in this moment?

“Reiji, can you look at me?” The hand in his hair moved to Reiji’s chin, tilting it up ever so slightly. Reiji hadn’t even realized he’d begun to look away.

“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t even seem to get this right. How was he supposed to be good enough for Ai if he couldn’t even keep himself together enough to give him a decent first time? Why did it feel like every time he tried his best, he was so far from even passable? Why did he feel like crumbling at the thought of disappointing Ai? Why did that feel so close to failing Aine?

“Please don’t cry. I don’t… I don’t know what to do when people cry.”

When had he started crying? Reiji blinked. “I’m sorry. I’m trying.” His voice was so tight. Ai was frozen before him, hand still on Reiji’s chin, and Reiji couldn’t think of a single thing to make this situation better. Ai shouldn’t see him like this.

“Do you want me to hold you? Or I can go?” His hand fell from Reiji’s face, dropping beside him on the bed.

The thought of Ai leaving made his chest hurt. The thought of him being here to see him like this did the same. There was no good option. Why could Reiji never find the right answer? He swallowed. “Please stay with me. I’m so tired of being alone.” He didn’t really mean to say it out loud, but the words came out anyway.

Ai nodded, and shifted, placing a hand on Reiji’s side. “Lay down, okay?”

“Yeah,” Reiji said, following as Ai guided him down. Ai pulled him to his chest, and Reiji hesitated for a moment before asking, “Ai-Ai, can we turn around?” The warmth at his back was comforting, but it was how Aine always held him, and he couldn’t face the feeling that instilled in him.

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you need, Reiji.” His voice was even, so steady as he rolled over. Reiji followed his lead, burning his face between Ai’s shoulder blades as he pulled his arms around his middle. He was sure it had to feel unpleasant at best to have his damp cheeks sticking to Ai’s skin, but the man didn’t complain, just laying in front of him, not moving when Reiji his chest heaved against his will.

Reiji hated this. He hated to be so weak in front of Ai. He hated that he relied on him so much. Reiji should have been stronger for him, should have been able to give him one nice night. To need him so much right now, after doing nothing but disappoint him… He hated it. But he hated the thought of Ai leaving more.

His face was slick with tears, and his breath was difficult to control, but he did his best to steady himself. He focused on the warmth against his chest, the feeling of Ai’s back pressed so tightly to him, the gentle circles the man had begun to rub into the back of his hand.

Just breathe.

That’s all he had to do.

One breath at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that didn't feel very good!


	4. Coffee.

Reiji woke to empty arms and his stomach sank. He wasn’t sure how long it had taken for him to fall asleep, body pressed against Ai’s, listening to the man breathe. Ai hadn’t said anything, choosing instead to just lay with him, holding onto his hand. Reiji was grateful for that. He couldn’t think of a single thing that would have been helpful to hear, but having someone to hold onto, someone he knew would just stay there for him, it made things better somehow. It didn’t solve everything, but it made the weight he carried lighter.

He peeled himself from the covers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His face felt gross, the residue of last night’s tears making it tight and tacky. Washing his face wouldn’t fix the knot in his stomach, but it would be a start. Cold water on his skin, a brush through his hair, a fresh change of clothes, clean up the discarded garments on the floor, make the bed. The room felt a bit lighter. Again, it didn’t slow the rush of thoughts in his brain, but it felt nice to have done something.

Mornings like this, when his brain was clouded from a spiral the night before, were difficult. There was no other way to describe them. All Reiji wanted to do was stay in bed, close his eyes, and wait for his brain to turn off. But he knew that wouldn’t help anything. His muscles ached from tension, and his head was still spinning, but he forced himself up, followed the steps of how to turn himself into a functional-looking person, and moved out the door. Everything inside him begged to stay where he was, that wasn’t what he  _ needed _ , and he knew it.

Reiji pulled his phone from his pocket. It was still early, the time when the four members of Quartet Night would usually have started to gather in the kitchen, but only Camus was seated at the bar, an overstuffed crepe loaded with things Reiji didn’t even want to begin speculating. He furrowed his brow for a moment. Coffee was made-- that was always Ai’s job in the morning, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is everyone?” Reiji asked, putting on a smile as he grabbed a mug.

“Shining has Mikaze out of town for a commercial shoot. Kurosaki had an early meeting and will be back soon.” Camus didn’t even look up at him.

Right. He should have known that. As leader of the group, he should have had some idea of everyone’s schedules. He nodded. “Right. Thanks for remembering that, Myu-chan.” He found a spot beside the man, taking a sip of his coffee. When was the last time he’d been alone with anyone with Ai? He couldn’t remember the last time it was just him and Camus.

“You don’t have to do that around me, you know.”

Reiji turned, meeting Camus’s gaze. “What do you mean?”

“Putting on the happy act. You may be able to fool someone like Kurosaki with that, but I’m not an idiot, and Mikaze isn’t easily tricked, either.” He didn’t sound upset, but his tone was so cool that sometimes it was difficult for Reiji to tell what exactly he was thinking.

He wasn’t sure why, but the words stung. Reiji always made such an effort to keep everyone from worrying about him. That was the last thing he needed. His grief was his and his alone. No one else needed to suffer because of it. The only person who’d ever called him out on it before had been his own mother, who he supposed was the one person who ought to be able to tell. He hadn’t thought Camus would pick up on that. “Myu, I’m fine. I promise.”

“Is that so?” Camus sat his fork down, resting it on his now empty plate. “Because when I spoke to Mikaze, he seemed very concerned and upset. It seems to me that you might be confusing him with someone else--”

“Don’t.” How did Camus even know about that? Sure, he had been very public about being close with Aine, but Camus shouldn’t have put anything like that together. And why had Ai gone to  _ him _ about this? “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Reiji had never noticed how intimidating the man could be before. Even sitting beside him, Camus was so much taller, and his eyes were so cold. “I consider Mikaze a friend. Seeing him struggle through his first relationship because you can’t separate your past from your present is painful. He can’t meet your expectations because you expect him to be a different man entirely. And as much as I’d like to be angry at you for being so reckless with him, I imagine there’s only pain on your end as well.

Camus stood as the front door opened, a familiar head of silver hair popping in. Reiji opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. He didn’t need to get Ranmaru involved in this.

“I have to go for the day. Feed Alexander for me and consider what I’ve said.”

Reiji watched, jaw clenched, as Camus moved out the door, sparing only the vaguest of glares to Ranmaru as he passed him. He blinked as the door shut, trying to parse his thoughts and doing his best to keep his expression neutral. The last thing he needed was to worry Ranmaru. He had already failed at keeping himself together properly around Ai, and Camus had caught on too quickly. He needed at least one member of this group to think he had his life together. “Morning, Ran-Ran. How was the meeting?” he asked, taking a sip of coffee once again. His voice was tighter than he had intended.

Ranmaru raised a brow as he kicked off his boots. “It was fine. Just a check in on my solo piece. It’s starting production later today.” He stepped forward, taking a seat beside Reiji. There was something in his eyes that made Reiji nervous. “You get in a fight with Camus or something?” he asked, a hand gripping Reiji’s shoulder, giving it the gentlest squeeze.

Reiji shrugged. “Something like that.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

Reiji sighed. “Not really. He just knew exactly what to say to get under my skin.” That wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t that Camus had intentionally upset up. What he said was true, and Reiji knew that. He  _ was _ making things difficult between him and Ai. There was a piece of him that struggled to separate Ai from Aine, and that was certainly hurting Ai. Last night… Last night had been a mess, and that was his fault. He had messed everything up.

“He does that. Seems like the only person he hasn’t gone at yet is Ai,” Ranmaru said with a dry laugh, standing. “How’s shit going with the two of you? I feel like I haven’t had a chance to talk to you in weeks.” He paused as he moved to the fridge. “You eat yet?”

Reiji shook his head, and let out another sigh. “Sorry. We’ve all been busy. I haven’t had much time with you or Myu outside recording.” He laid his head on his arms, letting his eyes fall shut for a minute. “As for Ai-Ai, I’m not so sure.”

“It sounded like you had a rough night,” Ranmaru said. From the sound of it, he was pulling out pans from the cupboard. “Sorry, we’ve got real thin walls.”

The idea that Ranmaru might have heard through their shared wall hadn’t even entered Reiji’s brain. He swallowed. So much for keeping the man from worrying about him. He had failed everyone in that regard. He sat up straighter, watching as the man cracked eggs into a bowl. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you’d hear.”

Ranmaru shrugged. “It’s fine. I don’t really care. I just was wondering if you two were alright.”

Reiji opened his mouth to speak, but paused. He didn’t want to bother Ranmaru. This was his problem to deal with. But there was a piece of him that wanted to talk, to just say the things on his mind. And Ranmaru just felt so easy to talk to. “Sort of. I don’t know. But this isn't your problem, you know? If you don’t want to listen to an old man ramble, you don’t need to,” he said, letting out a small laugh.

“Better to talk about it than let it fester. Go ahead.”

Reiji nodded. Ranmaru did seem like the best person to talk to about Ai. He knew them both, but it was easier to talk to him about these feelings than to Ai directly, and he was a lot more forgiving than Camus would be. “I guess there’s a lot to unpack. Do you remember Aine Kisaragi?”

Ranmaru didn’t look up from his cooking, but answered, “yeah. That idol that kinda just disappeared, right?”

“Yeah. He was my best friend for ages. After a while, he was my partner. I loved him. He needed a lot more support than I realized. I wasn’t really there for him when he needed me most, and after that, he was gone.” He paused, not wanting to elaborate further. Everyone knew the story of how Aine walked into the ocean and never came back. Reiji didn’t want to say it, and he was sure he didn’t need to for Ranmaru to understand. When was the last time he’d talked about Aine with someone besides his mother? It had been ages. “I miss him, every single day. He was the light of my life, Ran-Ran.”

Ranmaru placed a plate in front of him, his face now much more somber than before. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you two were that close.”

“It’s fine. Not many people do.” He took a breath, turning to watch as Ranmaru sat beside him. “When I saw Ai-Ai, I thought I’d seen a ghost.” He let out a dry laugh. “They’re just about identical.”

“So you thought you’d be able to fill that void.”

Reiji didn’t like hearing it said out loud. When Ranmaru said it, it sounded like he was trying to replace Aine. Aine wasn’t something he could just replace, even with someone who looked so close. That wasn’t what he had intended to do. But… it was what he had done, wasn't it? “When I saw him, it felt like I was being given a second chance at the life I had before I fucked it all up and lost him.” He paused again. “But they’re really different. They might look alike, but Ai’s nothing like him. When I look at him, all I think about is Aine, and I expect him to act like he did, but he can’t. He’s  _ not _ Aine.”

Ranmaru didn’t take his eyes off Reiji as he spoke, listening while he took bites of his breakfast. He swallowed, and then spoke. “I think you’re onto something here. Keep talking. Sometimes it helps you figure it out if you just keep going. I’ll listen.”

“Okay.” Maybe it was stupid to say this all out loud now-- Ranmaru would certainly think less of him if he just blurted out every terrible part of himself like this. And it was a lot to put on the man. But if he would listen, if we could hear this and encourage him to keep speaking, Reiji would just be grateful for that chance. “I mess up with him because I think he’ll be just like him. And when I mess up, I feel terrible. Like I’m letting him down. And that just feels like I’m letting Aine down all over again. And, god… What would Aine think of me trying and failing to get back what he had? He’s got to be furious if he’s watching me now.” Reiji stared at the eggs on his plate, the steam that had once risen from them now dissipating. He hadn’t touched the food in front of him yet. He wasn’t sure if he could. “I’m being really selfish making him deal with all this.”

“That might be true,” Ranmaru said. “But sometimes you don’t think straight. Especially if you’re grieving. I think he’d forgive that. Have you talked to him?”

“I don’t know how to.” Reiji frowned. How could he even begin to broach this with Ai? How could he say that he’d been so cruel to him just because he didn’t know what to do when he saw him?

“Well, if I were you, I’d just blurt it all out at him. If you really need to, practice barfing out all the shit you wanna say in the shower or in the car.” Ranmaru turned to face him, pushing his plate aside as he leaned forward, hand on the man’s shoulder again, offering some comfort.

Reiji turned away, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Thanks. I’m sorry for putting this all on you. I hope you won’t think less of your fearless leader because of it.”

Ranmaru laughed. “You’ve been through some shit. No one expects you to be perfect and happy all the time. You’re allowed to just, like, be a person with feelings and you’re allowed to fuck up. You’re human, allegedly.” He stood, and gave Reiji’s shoulder one last squeeze before walking away. “Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold. I worked hard on that.”

Reiji watched him walk away, toward the hallway that led to their bedrooms. “Thanks, Ran-Ran.” The man just waved him off, and Reiji felt the pressure on his chest lessen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write for some reason, but I'm glad it's finished! I'm just ready for this guy to be happy!


	5. Ocean.

Driving always helped Reiji clear his head. There was so much to focus on. He needed to keep an eye on the road ahead of him, keep watch for pedestrians and street signs, make sure he was paying enough attention to merge and signal correctly. When his mind wandered a bit too far, he could focus on the quiet humming of the engine to bring him back.

He followed the route, one he knew well. It had been years since he’d driven this way, but he knew it by heart. It had been Aine’s favorite place. They’d spent countless nights breaking out of their dorms together, laughing as they snuck away while everyone else slept. How many times had Reiji been tugged out of his room and toward the car so that Aine could go to the beach? And how many times had Aine come here without him when their schedules got too busy to see one another? Had he been as lonely then as Reiji felt now?

He parked, locking the car behind him. The sun hung low in the sky, casting golden rays over the water. At this time of evening, in this secluded little area, Reiji was alone. He had gotten used to being by himself during his time as a solo artist, living alone in his little apartment. He had spent days It was nothing new. But here, it weighed heavier on him.

Reiji walked slowly, shoes in hand as he made his way down the sandy path to the water. If he focused on the sound of the waves before him, the bustle of the city, not all that far away, began to disappear. He sat, not caring all that much if his shorts got coated in the damp sand. The waves rose and fell, splashing over his toes. As the breeze fluttered against his hair, he took a breath.

“This is where you left me, huh?” he asked. Maybe it was weird to talk out loud here. But this was Aine’s place. When the wind blew just right and the sound of the ocean covered everything else, he could  _ feel _ him there. The way his heart tugged, the way the cool air carried the salty scent before him, if he reached out, he swore he might be able to take Aine’s hand in his. But when he stretched out his fingers beside him, letting them fall down to the place where that hand used to always rest beside him, he was met with nothing but sand.

“I’m a fucking mess without you,” he said, letting out a dry laugh. “Couldn’t even make myself come to our spot until now. Sorry about that. Sorry… for everything.” He swallowed. He didn’t want to make this about where he’d fucked up. “I’m trying to be better for the people around me. To be someone they can rely on. And… to rely on them before it’s too late for me.” His fingers curled in the sand. “It’s just hard when I’ve got this suitcase my heart’s dragging around, it’s got this little luggage tag on it that just says  _ I miss Aine _ and I don’t know how to put it down, even just for a second. I don’t know if I  _ want _ to let it go. It feels like giving up or... letting you down. You know?”

Reiji laughed as a wave rose up, slapping against his leg.

“Okay, okay. I know. I should be trying to let go. You’re not here with me now, and me hurting won’t change that.” He sighed. “You wouldn’t want me to hurt anyway.” Reiji ran a hand through his hair. He was mostly regurgitating what he’d been told in therapy, but he did his best to take it to heart as he spoke. “Can I ask you a favor? I just… need some support to talk to someone. Would it be okay if I brought him here?”

The waves remained gentle, and Reiji nodded. Alright. That would be okay. He was somewhere safe, and he would have help. The calm that Aine’s presence brought him was stronger than the ache of loneliness that penetrated this space. He pulled his phone from his pocket, and dialed a familiar number.

“Reiji?” Ai’s voice was calm as ever.

“Yeah. Hey. Did you make it home?”

“Yes. Is everything alright? You don’t call me often unless you need something quickly. You text most of the time.”

Reiji nodded, as if Ai could see him. “I… I’m alright, I think. But I need to talk to you. I hate to bug you when you just got home, but I was hoping you could meet me at the beach.”

He could practically see the man’s brow furrowing. “You told me that you’re afraid of the ocean.”

Reiji bit his lip. Ai had remembered that, huh? He always remembered such little details. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I lied to you about that. There’s a lot that I haven’t told you, and I was hoping you… would talk to me.”

“Send me your location. I can leave now.”

Reiji took a breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Thank you, Ai-Ai. I’ll see you soon.” There was a part of him that was terrified that the man wouldn’t come, that he would say he was too busy, say he couldn’t make it. Say the words that Reiji had said so many years. As soon as his location had been sent, he sat his phone down beside him, staring out at the water before him.

Slowly he stood, taking a few steps forward, letting the water wash over his ankles. “I miss you,” he said, voice soft. The water was warm, the golden light of the sun scattering across the surface beautifully. He took another step. “I miss you.” His voice was a little louder now. One more step. “I miss you!” he shouted, and then he laughed, shaking his head. He had to look ridiculous, but it felt good to get it out. Even as he wiped the tears welling at his eyes, he smiled.

“Reiji?” A familiar voice called from behind him.

Reiji turned, and smiled as he saw Ai making his way toward him. About a meter from the shoreline, the man stopped. Ah. No need for Ai to get all wet. Reiji stepped forward, reaching out a hand. “Hey, Ai-Ai. Thanks for coming.”

Ai nodded, taking Reiji’s hand in his. “Right. Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” The worried look in his eyes made Reiji feel a bit guilty.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Promise. I just… I think we need to talk. And this place makes me feel a lot better.” He swallowed, guiding Ai down the beach, toward a nearby bench. He sat by the man’s side, and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry about last night. And… Everything, really.”

“It’s okay.”

Reiji shook his head. “Don’t tell me that. Please. Because it isn’t really okay, is it? Ai, I’ve been a terrible friend to you. And a pretty lousy partner. I’ve got a lot to unpack if I explain all this. Is that okay?”

Ai nodded. “We have time. If you need to talk, I’ll listen.”

Reiji nodded, letting out a sigh. Where was he supposed to start? “Years ago, back when I was a teenager, I had this boyfriend. I was crazy about him. Thought I’d marry him someday, if we ever got the chance. But we were both idols, and you know how busy that gets. And we just… couldn’t ever find time for each other. And when all that pressure started weighing on him, I wasn’t there for him. I don’t know if you know about Aine Kisaragi--”

“I know him.” Ai turned to look away for just a moment. “Everyone always tells me how much we look alike. His uncle is my father. It is… more complicated than that, to tell the truth. There’s a lot I’m not able to talk about yet, but I do know him.”

Reiji could tell just from the way he spoke that there was something Ai wasn’t telling him. There was certainly more to the story, but Reiji wouldn’t press him. If he couldn’t talk about it, Reiji would just need to be there to listen when he could. “He was an amazing man.”

Ai nodded. “He was.”

“And I’m sure it has to be frustrating to be compared to him just because you look alike. You two really aren’t very alike beyond that.” Reiji squeezed his hand tighter. “I’m sorry that I only saw him when I first saw you. In my head, I wanted you to be him, like if I could just fall in love with you, I’d have him back.” He swallowed. “That’s not fair to you. It made me into a pretty awful friend. I’m sorry.”

“Look at me.”

Reiji hadn’t fully realized that he was staring down at his lap, not quite able to meet Ai’s gaze. With a nod, he raised his head, finding those eyes looking toward him with more softness than he deserved.

“I could tell that you were thinking of him. You called me by his name the second we met. Maybe it was a bad idea to ask me to be with you, but it was a bad idea for me to say yes, too. I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone. We both did things wrong.” Ai let out a soft sigh, leaning against Reiji’s side. “I don’t know a lot about love, but I think maybe you can care for someone a lot, but not be the right partner for them.” He swallowed. “I’ve seen a lot of people be cruel to each other after they end romantic relationships. Do you think we have to be like that?”

Reiji let go of Ai’s hand, pulling an arm around his shoulder. His smile was a bit sad, and he was glad Ai’s gaze had been drawn toward the water. “I don’t think so. When I say I love you, Ai-Ai, I mean that. You’re smart, and you’re funny, and I really,  _ really _ want to make you happy. Just because we’re bad at dating, that doesn’t change.”

“Friends?” Ai asked, turning his head to meet Reiji’s eyes.

“Friends.”

Reiji took a breath, and watched as the water slapped upon the shore. The tide pulled closer up the shore as the sun sank lower in the sky, still calm. It felt like a confirmation that he was doing the right thing. That was ridiculous, maybe, but the tension in his shoulders also seemed to be easing, so maybe there was something to it. He had messed this up. Ai wasn’t Aine. He never would be. He was  _ Ai _ , and that was more than enough.

Maybe Reiji had started this all wrong. Maybe he had gone into this looking for all the wrong things, and maybe he’d made things harder than they needed to be, for everyone. But they had the rest of the summer, and all of fall before they debuted. There was still plenty of time to figure this out. There was still plenty of time to mess up and try again, and again, and again. Eventually, they’d figure this out and maybe, just maybe, they’d get it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this was late! Despite never leaving my apartment, I got sick with The Big One, and made doing much of anything difficult for the first few days. But my energy is back and I feel just about better now!  
> I hope you liked this story! It had been rattling around in my head for a while, and I really wanted to get it out!  
> I'm @Floral_Sweets_ on Twitter if you wanna find me there!

**Author's Note:**

> Ai is Miku, change my mind.  
> This chapter was really cute, but it's gonna get sad. There should be five chapters total, and I'll hopefully update 1-2 times each week, so it'll be done pretty quick!


End file.
